That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dicks are not precious.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
