i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
whose parrot is this?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
