"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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