Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
