First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
