You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
