Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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