You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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