i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
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