we have pet lesbian snakes
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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