he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
