I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
