No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
