I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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