no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize