insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize