My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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