As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
how does that bad decision feel?
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