I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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