I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
