in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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