Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
