Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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