Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You were trust falling into bushes
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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