went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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