im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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