So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
