remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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