This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
