your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
