Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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