okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
