____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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