Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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