it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
