i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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