I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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