Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
