i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
