How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize