Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize