I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
