I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
