wat bout pragnant strippers??
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
