we have officially lost it.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
