So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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