If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
