insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
