haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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