I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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