$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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