i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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