So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I believe in your delicious
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
