After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
