Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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