I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
