insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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