he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
