Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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