I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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