I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
