I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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