You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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