To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
