I think I won the penis lottery.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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