And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
