Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
