New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
