drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
