Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
