I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
