Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
is it fun? or sober?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
