never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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