That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
