I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
