Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
