16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
No stitches, just platelets and will power
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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