I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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