Nicole vs. Life
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
