He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
