Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
