There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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